Beauty In Grief

Friday, 22 May 2020

Lately, I've been really interested in grief. I am grieving right now for the loss of my husband and the loss of my marriage. I worked so hard for so long; I fought for my husband and my marriage. The fight is now over. He couldn't fight for himself, let alone for me. His addiction won the battle of our marriage. The reality of divorce is moving in. It's painful and it's messy.
I've been watching other women in my life grieve via Facebook. One friend became pregnant during the quarantine and then had a miscarriage shortly after. She shared her pain and grief with the rest of us. It was raw and emotional and beautiful. My heart aches for her so badly. I have another friend who's husband passed away recently. Her grief has also been beautiful. She is very open about her pain and frequently shares the incredible love between her and her husband. Grief is sad and painful, but it's also beautiful.
Since being stuck at home, I've watched my children grieve. Until a couple weeks ago, Sierra who is 3, had daily mourning sessions. She sobbed for her friends and her life back. She yelled and screamed that the coronavirus is over and she was finished being quarantined. Savannah has been grieving her teacher. The relationship she had with her kindergarten teacher was incredible and I know Savannah will always treasure it. Watching my children grieve has been heartbreaking, but also beautiful.
While witnessing the grief of others, I have been able to recognize my own grief. For a while, I thought I was depressed, but I'm not depressed. I'm in mourning. I have lost my husband and it's sad. It's ok for me to be sad. It's healthy. 

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