Dear Husband - The Final Letter

Monday, 21 September 2020


 Dear Husband,

I forgive you. I forgive you for all of the awful things you’ve done. I forgive you for all the awful things you’ve said. I forgive you because God forgives me for accepting your invitation to hang out at a bonfire 7 years ago.


I wasn’t expecting to write this final letter right now. I thought I would write this letter after the divorce is final. I thought that forgiving you would diminish the nightmare I lived with you. I was wrong.



I found my anger last week. I didn’t like it. I found it to be quite terrifying actually. I can’t help but think you must feel like that all the time. I can’t imagine being filled with that much anger all the time. I can’t imagine not being capable of expressing that anger in a healthy way. I wrote you that angry letter, I recreated photos of what your abuse looked like, and I made a video about it. I got it out. I chose to stop being angry, took the girls to church, and found forgiveness.



Forgiving you allows me to be truly free. I’m not held back by anger, bitterness, or fear. Forgiving you allows me to make an impact and help other abuse victims get out and get safe. Forgiving you frees me up to focus on taking care of these kids and this house by myself. Forgiving you allows me to heal. Forgiving you allows me to be a better parent to our children.


I’ve always made decisions for our family with everyone’s best interests in mind; including yours. I’m going to keep doing this. I’m going to continue the prayers I began during my Homblette life. I pray for you to be sober and healthy. I pray you can be the father your daughters need. I pray that we can co-parent together in a constructive and positive way. My God is still in the miracle business.


Our children ask me all the time if I still love you. I tell them that I will always have a love for you because you gave me them. I don’t have any regrets. We have these beautiful girls. While married to you, I learned how to love people. I learned how to love a person who is hideous. I learned how to love from afar. How can I regret those things? I am a kinder, more compassionate person for having endured life with you.


I know that somewhere deep down inside, you can acknowledge what you did. I want you to know that I am healing. The girls are healing. We are healing. I want you to know that I am breaking this cycle of abuse. I want you to go to sleep every night knowing that your girls are safe and protected. I think every parent deserves to know their children are safe. I want you to know that I will never again allow anyone into our lives who would cause us any harm. No one will ever abuse me again. The nightmare is over.


2 comments

  1. Jess this hits home for so many women you haven't known me since high school I was that awkward girl with lots of anger I was dealing with abuse at home and I dissapeared our 10th grade year I was living in pensacola trying to stay in school and living on the streets I got married at 19 and he was my love but also mentally and physically abusive I lives that until he passed in 2013 this hits home on many levels and you are a badass for letting it out and letting forgiveness take over I truly hope I can be that brave someday.

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  2. I'm so sorry for what you have lived through. I'm so happy you survived. I too was angry and abused in high school. My DMs are always open. Please, reach out anytime you need a safe space to vent.

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