Letters To My Husband - Number 4

Friday, 18 September 2020



Dear Husband,


I’m so angry with you! I’m angry about all the terrible things you’ve done. I’m angry about every holiday and birthday you ruined. I’m angry about every time our oldest daughter cried herself to sleep after you discarded us a day after day. I’m angry about every night our daughters fell asleep listening to the sounds of you abusing their mother. I’m angry for all the times you slapped food off our kids’ plates. I’m angry for the time you threw a shoe at me and hit our oldest daughter. I’m just so damn angry!


I’m angry that you were never who I needed you to be. I’m angry that you spent every day of our life together breaking me. I’m angry that I allowed you to tear me apart. I’m angry that you never filled my need to be loved and accepted. I’m angry that I could never do anything well enough to please you. I’m angry that I kept spinning on that hamster wheel. I’m angry. I’m so damn angry!


I’m angry because I was never enough for you. I’m angry because I kept trying even though you never once deserved my efforts. I’m angry because you never loved me. I’m angry because I loved you for way too long. I’m angry because you stole my soul; you sucked the life right out of me. I’m angry that you stripped away the very essence of who I am. I’m angry that I let you do it. I have so much anger for you!


I’m angry about every time you lied to me. I’m angry about every time you gaslighted me. I’m angry about every time you discarded your family for drugs. I’m angry about every time you accused me of having an affair. I’m angry about every time you didn’t support me. I’m angry about every time you told me I’m a piece of poop. I’m angry about every time you complained about my cooking. I’m angry about every time I spent hours in the kitchen, but you never showed up to eat with us. I’m angry!


I’m angry for every time you hit me or shoved me or threw things at me. I’m angry for every time you told me that you were not abusing me. I’m angry for every time you said I was abusing you when I dared to stand up to you. I’m angry for every time you endangered my life, as well as the lives of our unborn children by using me as a punching bag while pregnant. I’m angry for every time you used hugs to choke me or smoosh my glasses into my face. I’m angry for every time you hit me in the face with the couch pillows as hard as you could. I’m angry!


I’m angry for all the times you shamed me for staying home with the kids. I’m angry for all the times you called me a mooch. I’m angry for all the times you said I didn’t do anything for our family. I’m angry for all the times you shamed me for working. I’m angry for all the times you accused me of having sex with my boss when I got a promotion that I worked really hard for. I’m angry about all the times you accused me of having sex with my coworkers. I’m angry for all the times you told me to choose between my job and our marriage. I’m so damned angry!


I’m angry because of the countless times you touched me inappropriately in front of people. I’m angry because of the countless times you touched me inappropriately in front of our daughters. I’m angry because of the countless times I asked you to stop, but you did not. I’m angry because of the countless times you coerced me into giving you oral sex. I’m angry because of the countless times you pressured me into having sex with you when I did not want to. I’m just angry with you!


I’m angry that I have to start my life over again. I’m angry that I have PTSD from the past 7 years of abuse that I endured at your hands. I’m angry that one of our daughters has to go to therapy. I’m angry that our daughters are angry. I’m angry that when someone unexpectedly knocks on the door or I hear a man yelling, I have a panic attack. I’m angry that some days I’m am paralyzed by fear, convinced that you are coming for me. I’m so angry with you!



I’m angry about the restraining order I had to get to protect myself from you. I’m angry about needing to be protected from my husband.  I’m angry about all the times you have violated the restraining order. I’m angry about you not being held accountable for terrorizing, harassing, and stalking me. I’m angry about all the times you solicited my neighbors to spy on me. I’m angry about seeing you drive by while I was walking the girls down our street. I’m angry about the day you were sitting at the end of my street. I’m angry about the day your phone connected to my car’s Bluetooth. I’m angry about you getting away with it. So much anger is inside me!


I’m angry about all the times you have promised to be a changed man. I’m angry about all the times you said you will get help. I’m angry for all the times you have begged for me to let you come home. I’m angry that I am doing the one thing I said I would never do; divorce. I’m angry that after I filed for divorce, you made it difficult to be served. I’m angry that you have used our attornies to harass me. I’m angry that you spent the last 6 months standing up our daughters for your weekly virtual visits. I’m angry that they are happy with you and think you are a great daddy. I’m so damn angry!


I’m angry with you for not helping me out with these kids. I’m angry with you for all the times I have to ask my friends and family to send me some money. I’m angry with you for thinking that the girls are not your responsibility anymore. I’m angry with you for trying to take a home away from your children. I’m angry with you for intentionally withholding money to punish me for leaving you. I’m angry with you for asserting your control over my life however you can. I’m so angry!


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